gatekey

All of us are seeking meaning and purpose in our lives.  And our lives have meaning when we feel fully alive and unhampered by the reactivity we have learned from painful incidences in our lives. 

Reactivity comes from painful or scary thoughts that then create emotional responses.  We don’t want to feel the pain or fear, so we become angry, aggressive, shut down, resentful, cold, distant, jealous, etc.

Proactivity comes from presence.  It comes from being able to feel the feelings we want to defend against and respond from that place.  Such a simple difference!  We can then have compassion for ourselves and others.  We can remember to value and respect ourselves and forgive the other for their mistakes.

I like to equate connection to myself to the connection my soul has to the divine source, the potential for the deepest knowing that comes from being present and grounded.

The formula couldn’t be simpler.  Either I am connected to the Self (the big Ego) that is in relationship to Source, or I am in my small self (the small ego) that is disconnected and lost.  Either I am able to be proactive, compassionate, and present or I am in reactivity. 

How did I get so lost?  The mind, with its pre-programmed stimulus/response projects an old hurt or wound onto a present situation.  I defend against having to feel hurt or vulnerable by blaming, shaming, or judging the other or myself.

My small ego feels a threat and wants to defend and protect itself.  This has been the behavior for much of a lifetime.  Then the key to the gate was found.  Feeling my feelings instead of trying to avoid them is the key that opens the gate to the marvelous garden where feeling true joy and passion is possible.  All of these are core feelings.  We can’t feel one without being willing to feel them all.

The process begins with stopping the mind’s chatter.  Without the mind’s chatter, the stories of the past and the dreams of the future melt away.  In the present moment, the questioning can begin.  What do I feel?  This question takes us from the outer layer of emotion to weeing the core feeling underneath.  By simply ‘being with’ whatever core feeling we find, the key begins to turn in the lock.  The gate can open to a spaciousness we didn’t know before.  Here we are no longer worried about surviving and succeeding.  We can rest in a place of thriving in our wholeness.

Two simple truths.  None of us likes to be controlled by or manipulated by another person.  So much of our negotiating in the world is so that we can feel in control of ourselves.    Therefore, the hardest thing in the world is to surrender to divine direction until we have felt its power.  What is required is that we up our own agendas and trust that, by doing so we will be led to the highest good for ourselves and for others.  This is the challenge.

Because survival is at the root of the false self, fear is its true god.  We are afraid of making mistakes, of not being enough, of not pleasing.  In addition, we accumulate belief systems from our parents and our peers, usually that there is something wrong with us.  We constantly are trying to fix ourselves.  We develop a false sense of self based on these beliefs and the stories we layer upon our persona.

The small mind — the small ego – the false self — is at war with what is.  It only knows how to react to its projections of the past.  But there is a part of us that feels great longing for wholeness.  When we are able to drop down into the heart, we become connected to the greater consciousness, the true Self, and we know that we are not separate from the whole.  The war stops and we are able to know the heart’s will, which is really our true will.  In order to get to that place, we must feel our core feelings, like going through a tunnel into the new place.  We must welcome the anger or hurt or fear and go into it rather than try to guard from it.  This requires tremendous strength and trust.  And most of all it requires consistency.  The small ego and its survival patterns of running away from pain and fear are always going to be there, trying to get us back. It operates from the premise that we are unworthy, unlovable.   We judge ourselves and reject ourselves and then defend against that rejection and the projection onto others. 

The small ego doesn’t want to feel the difficult feelings.

 We always must choose our senses and perceptions over our thoughts and opinions.  We must remember our “I am” self, our essence, over the ever-changing waves of the mind.  From that heart place, the workings of the mind become a clear expression of our individual selves and we have the real capacity to be in relationship to others and the possibility of intimacy.  It is only the heart wisdom that can know the unio mystica of love with the universe.  To be in that heart place, we must be in the now.  We must have relinquished our memories of the past (with its guilt, blame, and shame) and our concerns about the future (with their fear and uncertainty).  We must have stopped our story.  Instead we regain the capacity to feel gratitude, empathy, compassion, and love.